Purple.  Luke said purple.  He’s been saying a few words here and there (car, ball) but purple takes the cake.  He wanted purple pedialyte so he walked up to it and said purple.  He actually let us know that he wanted something out loud.  He VERBALLY COMMUNICATED.  He also answered the phone the other day and said “hello”.

Luke’s dad and I look at each other in a way that no one would ever be able to understand unless they were a parent of a child with special needs.  The fact that he’s started to say words without us telling him to offer us a whole new hope.  We are now hopeful that he will talk.  That he can talk.  I don’t know if it’s ABA or preschool or a combination of both but whatever it is, it’s helping.  Hearing his sweet little voice melts me.

His words aren’t clear and that is classic apraxia, he will for sure need lots of speech therapy but we know that he is capable of speaking.  The fear isn’t completely gone (that damn regression word still comes to mind way too much) but there is a new feeling of hope.  He is so proud of himself when he says a word, he knows what a big deal it is.  I think he’s even more aware because little sis is saying new words what seems like every day.  She says cocoon for christsakes.

On another note, just to be a downer, Luke has had a terrible time with this transition of preschool and ABA.  His sleep is for shit.  He beats the crap out of us and himself just to get out of sleeping.  He has a really short fuse.  He did have a cold and seems to be acting better because he’s feeling better but Jesus.  It’s been rough.  He hit me in the eye twice yesterday and it was like a boot was thrown at me.  I hear “typical” 3 year old’s do this too…

I had a call with his preschool teacher the other day after he finished his 3rd week of school.  The call was amazing.  Luke is catching on to PECS already, much faster than the teachers thought, he is strong willed (that’s a nice way of saying it), compliant, joining activities,…he smiles a lot.  I’m so so proud.  The teacher also said she doesn’t think that she’ll keep him in her class for that long, just because he has a language impairment doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be in general ed.  I knew he’d do good because he learns fast but how. amazing. is. that.

I hate this word.  Hate it.  When Luke is sick, he regresses.  It’s also my biggest fear with him overall.  He’s had a cold the past week and he has regressed as he usually does.  Hits himself, hits us, bangs his head into anything that he can get close to.  Throws tantrums many times a day.  I get it, he doesn’t feel good and doesn’t understand why so he gets angry.  It’s pretty unbearable though, it is actually difficult to control him and when it’s typically just either myself or his dad with him due to us having different schedules, it’s near impossible.  I feel bad for little sis because if they’re both crying, I have to deal with Luke because he can potentially hurt himself.  He’s actually cracked his own head open before during a tantrum.  So poor sis just cries until he settles, the guilt is overwhelming.

He’s been more verbal which is great but since I’m on the topic of regression, it really is a huge fear.  I have followed other autism blogs and have actually stopped following because I can’t handle reading about how the kids were doing awesome like Luke is doing and then they regressed tremendously.  Luke is definitely high functioning ASD, some question if he even is on the spectrum and say if so, it’s at the very mild end.  Some days I agree, some days I think he’s not autistic but it’s his apraxia and SPD that cause the issues, some days I think he is on the spectrum and potentially could regress.  Those days are the worst.  Days where I see him regress and head bang and twist his fingers into weird shapes.  Or lining up his dinosaurs, which he never has done but the past few weeks has randomly done it a few times.  Not obsessively, but when you have a kid on the spectrum you are looking for every sign.  It’s terrible, I hate that I can’t enjoy some of the days of our kids just being kids, and I’m always looking for some other sign in Luke or looking for any kind of sign in his sister – which she’s not displaying any thank goodness.

He completed his first week of preschool and claims that he is having fun.  I had to call off today because of his cold, but I think he is going to catch on fast.  He did with ABA.  But my fear is what happens when ABA stops, will he regress?  Will he be able to adjust to living a normal life?